By Maria Gregory and Marysa Enis
We’ve been really looking forward to this article. It’s that time of year when even the most mindful of people could use a refresher course on mindfulness. Schedules are packed. To-do lists are growing. People are scrambling to get their work done before winter break. Even the fun stuff – giving gifts, decorating, and going to parties – can start to overwhelm.
Add kids to the equation and now you’re really spread thin. Add kids with disabilities and you just might be barely surviving.
Parents of children with disabilities face daily battles unknown to the rest of us. On top of that, they are more at risk for depression, anxiety, and marital discord. We wish we could fix that. We wish we could give parents what they need, like quality child and medical care and specialized therapies and vacations. Instead, we’re giving the best we can: Parenting tips that (we hope) will help keep you sane this holiday season.
We’ve already talked about mindfulness in schools (click here to read about it), so now let’s talk about mindfulness at home.
Mindful parenting is pretty simple in theory. It just means being physically and mentally present with our kids. That may sound easy, but believe us, it isn’t (yes, we speak from experience … so much experience … too much experience).
Being present with kids means shifting attention away from our own thoughts and feelings and toward our children’s. That means putting away the cell-phone, ignoring the dirty dishes, and waiting until later to tell our spouse about that thing. It means physically slowing down to be with our kids in whatever way they wish.
In today’s 24/7 phone-buzzing-urgent-alert world, redirecting our thoughts can be pretty hard to do. At first. But we promise that if you make practicing mindfulness a priority, it won’t be long before you feel the amazing effects.
There is a ton of data coming in about the benefits of mindful parenting, particularly when it comes to parenting children with disabilities. Dr. Dan Siegel, renowned psychiatrist and author, has long advocated for slowing down and connecting with children as a way to nurture brain growth. As he puts it, “Where attention goes, neural firing flows, and neural connection grows.”
Research on mindfulness training for parents of children with disabilities is promising. Studies have revealed the following:
Improved attention span in children with attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD)
Decreased aggressive, non-compliant, and self-injurious behavior in children with autism
Reduced feelings of stress in parents
Improved parent-child interactions
Increased satisfaction with parenting skills
Increased self-compassion and sense of fulfilment in parents
In a paper on this topic (Self-compassion and Well-Being in Parents of Children with Autism, Neff and Faso 2014), the authors postulated that, “because self-compassionate individuals are mindfully aware of negative thoughts and emotions rather than ruminating about them, they may be less likely to become absorbed by the dramatic storylines that can lead to worry and despair.”
It’s almost impossible to be present with others if we are consumed with our own stress. Because of this, it’s critical for parents to recognize and take care of their own needs first.
Since mindfulness is all about being aware of what is happening in the moment, families can easily incorporate it into their daily routine.
1. Mindful walk – Go on a walk in your neighborhood or a nearby park. Scan the environment together and share what you see, hear, feel, and smell.
2. Mindful eating – Use time at the dinner table to build awareness of bodily sensations and feelings.
3. Bedtime Body Scan – Listen to a guided imagery body scan with your child at bedtime. By taking part in the scan, your child will learn its value. Check out these examples:
4. Guided Meditation – Engage in a guided meditation with your child when they are having a stressful moment. This conveys your empathy while modeling healthy coping skills. We recommend the following: